Saturday, April 7, 2007

Positano album on Picasa

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TEXAS

Monday morning, bright and early, (well not really, it's 10:20 am) I just settled in to White Rock Coffee shop, aka my office while Jack is in school, getting down to writing again. I have pages spread all over the place, the novel, some essays, even an old play I dug up that I have always wanted to finish and never imagined I could-- and have yet to even get my latte (has Italy ruined anyone else for coffee or is it just me?). Although the conference was filled with every emotion from elation right on through despair for me personally regarding the pursuit of writing, what I feel right now is almost as breathtaking as the Amalfi Coast. Dani spoke of "scaffolding" and I didn't quite get it, but right now, instead of understanding it, I actually feel it. This conference provided scaffolding--a framework--some wood to carve my name in, poles to swing from to get to the top and back down, something solid to return to that makes me feel a little more brave about exploring places I haven't been. I know I won't always feel sure or certain or right, but the fact that I do right now is really all I can ask for. Okay, so to work. Now I just have to figure out where to start.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Erin, Jack, & Granddad


I found this old picture of Brad's dad (my sweet father-in-law) in my phone. I had completely forgotten about it. It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. Bittersweet. This is when you wish you just had blind faith, because I want to believe he's floating with angels that are tickling his feet and feeding him chocolate ice cream and a cigar simultaneously, but I'm not sure. What I am is a closet Jew: I celebrated Passover with my sister and her family this past week and felt more connected to God then and there than I ever do in a church. I want to make sure I give my son something to follow, even if only for him to reject in years to come, because I think it's every kids right and every parents duty. But it is hard to force yourself into a box so that you know what line to feed your kid, particularly on religion. How do I explain God to my son when I don't understand myself? So far the answer has been to hem and haw, and that works for three years or so, but pretty soon, Brad and I will have to figure out what way we want to go with Jack and religion. As the matriarch, I guess I can choose Judaism and secretly hope my husband will follow... or is that sneaky? I think sooner rather than later I will talk to Rabbi Stern about all this.

Positano, Italy.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

HERE IN POSITANO, ITALY!

This has already exceeded expectations. It is so beautiful here I cannot begin to explain it. On the drive along the coast yesterday, i could barely breathe (and not just b/c of the hairpin turns). Let's see: I've already eaten rabbit(accidentally), had the best espresso ever made, and drunk fabulous wine. The couple that owns this place are amazing.

I do have to pay for Internet use, though, so I probably won't post a ton. We talked about three stories today, and mine is up for discussion first thing tomorrow. I am nervous more in the sense that I get a good understanding of what people are actually saying--from what I heard today, the ideas were just so good, and people had lots of different but interesting takes on things--I just want to make sure I soak it all in appropriately.

The only negative is that is is COLD and today it is rainy!!!!!!!!!! They said it might rain for the next couple of days, in fact, but actually I could care less. Just sitting here in my room right now, writing this, listening to the waves, seeing the water, it is a dream.

Sorry I can't figure out how to post pics on this, I'll just have to send some around once I am home. I am off to a "publishing" discussion here in a little while, which will be chock full of info, I am sure. Love to all.

Friday, March 16, 2007

off to Italy!

Tomorrow the adventure begins. I'm tired and feel I've packed all the wrong things. It's already exactly as I imagined...

Going to bed now to dream of pasta, wine, and Italian men pinching my white little ass in the airport (not necessarily in that order).

Monday, March 12, 2007

INSOMNIA is not always bad

For those of you who know me, I won't bore you again with the details of the last few days, and for those of you who don't, I'm too embarrassed to state it for the record. No, it is not a venereal disease. Suffice to say it has been challenging, painful, at times hilarious. Just one of those things that will end up being fine: something I will write about when I get my sense of humor back about it, which shouldn't be too awful long.

I am starting to think I am learning a little something about the joke the universe/God has on us over control. I go along most of the time thinking I have a fairly big say in what does/doesn't happen to me or for me, to my family, etc. and I operate on that assumption a cocky idiot amount of time. So it's always interesting when life throws the proverbial curve ball, and there I am, helpless to catch it, watching it whiz by, complete definition out of control. I remember again that all of those things I thought I have a say in, I don't. And beyond whatever annoying details surround the circumstances of this particular situation, I am left with this uncomfortable dread, wondering what is in store. Because if I don't really have control, if planes really do fly into buildings, if people really do go, maybe it makes sense to stay at home, hovel under the covers with a king size Snickers bar and indulge in daytime TV. Maybe I'll order one of those clappers to turn out the lights and call it a day.

On the other hand, analyzing it, looking at it in a positive light (shout out to Christopher Durang), I know this lack of control also equals freedom ready for the embracing. It's just how long I'm going to allow myself to stay stuck on fear. Moving past those brings me close to what it feels to really be alive--the heart beat roller coaster up in the middle of the night because I can't quite sleep but because I am thrilled with all the possibities.

I leave for Italy in five days. I am certain I will try desperately not to overpack, and I will fail. But beyond that, I am walking into a world I have never been a part of with a group of people I have never met. I get to watch it unfold without control. I am attempting to stop short of packing any expectations.

Friday, March 2, 2007

MY WRITING DAY

Gee, I might just be getting into this blogging thing. Or maybe I'm on a typing roll--I have spent the past let's see six hours in my office, aka White Rock Coffee, pounding away at the keys (and caffeine), trying desperately to get through this draft of my novel. I am through Chapter Eighteen. Not bad. I want to have it as done as I can before I get to Italy.

Why? I have a profound fear of someone wanting to read more of it and being shocked by all my formatting/spelling errors.......I want to be done in case I get run over by a DART bus.....I can't totally focus on anything new until this is complete.......all of the above and more too embarassing to write. Please refer to therapist.

Now I am off to see my husband, son, and stepson. Brad is playing soccer tonight, and Zachary, Jack, and I will no doubt watch a movie and eat pizza. Life is good.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Circles, an essay I wrote from Dallas Morning News

http://mayborninstitute.unt.edu/documents/subm_erinburdette_wordpadcircles.pdf

Sirenland

My son just woke up from his nap and is sitting on my lap as I type this. So much for all the work I was going to get done. Not that I'm complaining, but let me share: he also forced me to watch "The Grinch who stole Christmas" this morning and just said, "I am the mommy and I know what to do." (direct quote.) So you can see I have my hands full.

But I can't wait to read everyone's writing.

Jack now insists I am misquoting him and wants to say 'hi': yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyjjjjjjjjjjjjjmmmmmmmm
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qqqqqqqqqqqxxxxxxmmmmmmkkkkkkkkkkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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